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25 Responses to “27 percent say ‘Get over it, people’”

1. Melissa Says:
   March 30th, 2009 at 2:58 pm

   Ok, first to Olivia, thank you. I have plent of empathy for people that have learning disabilities after all I have a few myself. I had an Aunt with DS she lived to be 56 years old and believe me growing up if anyone messed with her I was the first to stick up for her, so what I say is this if you want people to treat your children and ALL disabiled equally and with dignity and respect we as a whole should not throw stones to quickly. Like my mother told me when I was younger and I was being teased,”think about what you say before you speak” because while they hurt me, what I say could hurt them worse. We should not judge to harshly, and as for the President I’m sure there wont be anymore jokes in regards to special olympics. I myself cant wait to see what he does for us.

2. Cheryl Ward Says:
   March 30th, 2009 at 11:36 am

   Changes in terminology may have produced some incorrect assumptions. Special Olympics is not for people with learning disabilities or just physical disabilities, such as CP. It is for people who have mental retardation or cognitive or intellectual disabilities.

   Please set aside politics and really look at the issue. What angers me the most is the fact that we are aware that this language hurts, it causes pain, it is cruel, and it is wrong.

   Yet when asked to stop, to not make people with cognitive disabilities the target of this painful language and attitude, when the people with cognitive disabilities themselves tell you “please don’t call us names, please don’t treat us this way” the responses are “we don’t acknowledge your pain, we don’t care about your feelings and if we see nothing wrong with what we say and do, who cares how you feel, get over it.”

   What will it take for everyone to be treated with the same respect?

3. Pamela Wilson Says:
   March 28th, 2009 at 5:34 am

   Melissa, and others –

   I think more of us could ‘get over it’ if this poll had resulted in different statistics – perhaps we would have felt that our perspective had been acknowledged if sixty percent of the responses had been “A tasteless comment that he should not have said, period.”

   Instead, many of the media pieces and excuses that have been put forward have reflected the first two choices: “Just a light-hearted, self-deprecating comment. Get over it people” and “Maybe a dumb thing to say, but he didn’t mean it in a mean-spirited way, and it is pretty funny.” The ‘get over it, people’ and ‘it is pretty funny’ somewhat skewing the effect to the negative.

   We expected better of Barack Obama, but he did apologize, and his record on disability issues speaks for itself. We were not ready in his first hundred days for him to make a blunder that was such a stinging insult, but eventually we would have had to realize that he is at least as imperfect as most parents might have been before our sons and daughters were born and diagnosed.

   Most people in my neighborhood have a strong opinion on this incident; many have told me that it was mentioned in a sermon or in conversations at the kitchen table. I am surprised by that. It seems to have taken on a life of its own because although President Obama apologized, the attitude and response from others in D.C. does reflect a lack of serious consideration about the protest that followed. Barack Obama might have acknowledged our right to take offense and not forget easily, but others seem not to have done so, and that stings rather deeply, too.

   This conversation is not about the athletic abilities of athletes in Special Olympics, it is about their rights being acknowledged, about having some real representation in the halls of Congress and the White House, at least the illusion that higher priority issues will be acknowledged and addressed, including civil rights and human rights issues.

   It’s not of much interest to those who were offended that those who were not offended are announcing their opinions, especially where we feel the ‘disability hierarchy’ is being used to deflect our concerns and derail our advocacy efforts.

   If your true wish is for us to ‘let it go’ then you should reflect back to those who have been deeply affected by the remark some experience you have had that shows you have heard and understand the implications the event and excuses have for individuals with developmental disabilities and their families.

   This was a traumatic national event for some people. You can no more expect them to ‘get over it’ than you can expect a crime victim, returning soldier, or someone who has experienced a terrible accident, natural disaster or severe weather event to ‘get over it’ before they have had a chance to process the experience, be a witness or testify, to be heard and acknowledged.

   Maybe you did not follow the mood and reactions of the people affected by the passage of Proposition 8 in California in the same election that made our dear Barack Obama 44th President of the United States. It was as if the message was, “all things are possible for anyone – except for you.” This is the type of disappointment some parents and advocates felt about President Obama’s comment, and the discussions (and polls such as the one above) that followed.

   I’m sure that most of the people who are still upset would like nothing more than to get past this point, but so far, most of the responses from media and individuals in decision-making positions are only adding to their worries. The outlook for our most vulnerable Americans was already grim due to the economy.

   So, I ask for a little tenderness and empathy for those who have been most deeply affected. They seek hope and change just like the rest of us, for their children who seem to have no voice and diminishing opportunities for the future they deserve.

   Pam W
   SE of Seattle

   The Disability Hierarchy, Equity and Advocacy
   http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art61355.asp

4. Melissa Says:
   March 27th, 2009 at 11:46 am

   …and to compare the President to Woodcock is just gross!

5. Melissa Says:
   March 27th, 2009 at 11:36 am

   Dear Mandy,

   So you are the authority on “who’s disabled enough”. Please tell me why a special olympian with a learning disability does not have the right perspective on this issue, but an able-body person does???
   I have a son who I hope does not grow up to take every little thing that people say about me and other disabled people so harshly, and to have a pleasant disposition towards life.

6. Olivia Says:
   March 27th, 2009 at 8:05 am

   Oh Ms. Mandy someone has to put you in line. How dare you lash out at Mellisa that way. Did the president just address dev. delayed? In the Special Olympics there are ALL types of disabilities.. What about the comments, looks, stares, and roads Mellisa had to travel. That’s what I meant by Ignorance starts with us first sometimes. Shame on you to think that because she has a physical disability she’s not as disabled as a dev. delayed person. I agree let it go and get over it!
   How prejudice is that!

7. Mandy Says:
   March 27th, 2009 at 1:30 am

   Melissa, you manifestly do not have a learning disability, unlike most Special Olympians. Most of the parents posting on this thread have children who do, and our kids cannot post all over the internet to either defend the President or express their distress about his remark, in writing. So could you please have as much understanding for people with learning disabilities as you do for the President?

   As for Bush being an idiot, I bend my knee to no man or woman in my loathing of Bush.. but THIS was the alternative?

   Yesterday my husband and I watched “Mr. Woodcock” – a non-PC movie about the world’s most sadistic gym teacher. At one point Mr. Woodcock (who specializes in humiliating his students) compares a student’s athletic ability to a Special Olympian.

   This provided the first laugh we’ve had about this issue.. my husband turned to me and said “We’ve elected Mr. Woodcock President!”

8. Melissa Says:
   March 26th, 2009 at 9:13 pm

   I have read all of the responses in regard to President Obama’s remarks and I have to tell you that I am getting really fed up with people taking his remarks so seriously.

   I am a 30 year old woman who is living with cerebral palsy.

   I have heard some really hurtful things from people, come on people! for 8 years we had an idiot in the white house and he was always sticking his foot in his mouth.

   Obama makes a joke about the Special Olympics in regards to himself and its the end of the world.

   I was in the Special Olympics and I watched the show when he made the remark and let me tell you that I thought it was really funny. But then again I have a sense of humor and it is really sad that people are worried about what the president says instead of what he is doing for this country.

   I think we just need to let it go.

   If you liked it, then you liked it.

   If you didn’t, then you didn’t.

9. Olivia Says:
   March 26th, 2009 at 5:31 pm

   How old are your kids? did your kids get offended at the president or Mr. Dale as you did? and to the lady that keeps putting the * in retard is that * being PC or less hurtful? Ignorance starts with first with us sometimes. You all have beaten this horse! Why not use these angry voices and go on line and write your legislators. I understand where you all are coming from, I’ve been fighting the fight for 19 years, but if we allow narrow minded comments to get in the way of the big picture our real mission gets lost.

   Blessings to all of you~

10. Rachel Douglas Says:
    March 26th, 2009 at 9:21 am

    We’ve run out of cheeks.

11. Mandy Says:
    March 26th, 2009 at 1:22 am

    Olivia,
    “First you need to start at the bottom” Huh? No, I think we need to start at the top. Turn the other cheek? This man is President of the United States, the beneficiary of an extremely elite education (private prep school, Ivy League), a very easy life (raised by devoted grandparents who gave him unconditional love and support) and yet he nurtures such bigoted attitudes towards vulnerable people?

    What hope do we have of changing attitudes with people who truly should have a chip on their shoulder, people who desperately need to find somebody ‘inferior’ to themselves to ridicule, and pick on our kids?

    President Cool has made it cool to mock Special Olympians and we should just forgive and forget? — and he STILL has not apologized to parents. I don’t count apologizing to Timothy Shriver — that has more to do with his betrayal of the Kennedy family’s support than ours.

    Had he made a similar snarky joke about any other minority, the media would be crucifying him.

    Forgive and forget? We need to stop apologizing for living and expect that a President who campaigned on promises of ‘hope and change’ can show some respect for the dignity of his constituents. That’s not a lot to ask, but apparently it’s too much for President Cool.

12. Olivia K. Says:
    March 25th, 2009 at 7:50 pm

    Oh my gosh you people what happened to forgiveness? What happened to turn the other cheek? Or what happened to teaching our children lessons that are positive out of something that we (you) may think is bad?

    I am a very strong advocate for my boys and for others but, to attack this one person because you are so angry at something that you can’t fix or change …? The damage is done and over. Fist you need to start at the bottom and fix the small issues first,( i.e. neighbors, community, schools, family) Then you start working on bigger issues. This woman did not violate any privacy issues. She did not disclose name, gender, age, or disability or facility. No ethics were broken in her examples.

    Read up before you start throwing stones.

    You all have great strong voices, use it on something positive for your kids. They could use it!

13. Rachel Douglas Says:
    March 25th, 2009 at 9:49 am

    “Why don’t we work to fight true hurdles for those with disabilities? More community inclusion would change attitudes faster than anything else ; knowledge breaks stereotypes.”

    Katie? What exactly do you think the point of all these comments is — what exactly do you think we do when we aren’t sidetracked by ridiculous comments like those made by our President?

    Seriously — your statement is totally offensive to those of us who tirelessly work to fight these hurdles. This comment and the countless others that we hear daily are part of it. How exactly can we get more community inclusion if we can’t have the attitude first that we deserve true inclusion.
    Knowledge does break stereotypes – hopefully you will gain some from this.

14. Jessica Says:
    March 25th, 2009 at 9:33 am

    Katie, I appreciate that you work with people with developmental disabilities but that does not give you the right to speak on their behalf and say what they or their families should or should not feel is offensive. No one has the right to decide that for another person. If someone says they are offended, that is their feeling to own and it should be respected by others. You have no place trying to take that away from anyone.

    Also it is not a “fact” that Special Olympians do not bowl as well as others. Google Kolan McConiughey.

    Stereotypes have no chance of being broken if people continue to perpetuate them and particularly when they come from the most powerful man in the world.

15. Nancy Iannone Says:
    March 25th, 2009 at 9:02 am

    Katie, I am not working to “diminish” President Obama — I have and will continue to support him and his actions (often at the risk of opening myself to ridicule and in one conservative website the threat of physical violence). As I indicated, attitudes are so pervasive even our friends do not recognize it — which would include Mr. Obama (although I believe he does now) and, at least by your self-description, you.

    My expression of hurt is natural and reasonable, although you appear to present reason and emotion as opposites.

    I could address all of your points, but I’m afraid it would be to no avail. However, I will tell you something I told a person who insisted that repeatedly referring to President Obama as “Barry” was fine, not offensive, and based in truth even after we explained the context to her regarding race, history, and cutural identity: even if you don’t understand the impact after we’ve explained it to you, take our word for it and alter your words out of respect because you do not want to hurt an entire population of people, even if you can not see their point of view.

16. Scott Says:
    March 25th, 2009 at 9:00 am

    Katie,

    I appreciate the thought that you put into your response.

    However, what part of the President’s remark was “well-intentioned?”

    He tried to make fun of himself while making fun of an entire population.

17. Pamela Wilson Says:
    March 25th, 2009 at 2:49 am

    Katie, you wrote that you are not giving anyone permission to make derogatory statements, but you also wrote “Some of the people I work with are physically aggressive, some just have repetitive behaviors that can be annoying.”

    You are making derogatory statements about those individuals, whose privacy should be protected by law. They did not give you permission to make derogatory statements about them, and neither do we.

    By describing these individuals in a public forum so negatively, you create an atmosphere where others feel free to violate the privacy of any person with a developmental disability in as negative way. This is far worse than President Obama’s remark, for which he did apologize. I would appreciate it if you apologized.

    You ask, “When did it become derogatory to state a fact?” The answer is, long ago – and your mother should have told you about that when you were about two or three years old. There are many ways to state facts that are not derogatory, and I am working hard to think of some about you that are not.

    Those who have responded to your remarks are working ‘to fight true hurdles for those with disabilities’ – in this case, educating someone who volunteers or is paid to support vulnerable individuals so they understand that those with disabilities have a right to privacy and protection from those, like yourself, who describe them in a derogatory manner.

    Perhaps our “repetitive attempts” to communicate with you are annoying. You obviously have not figured out how to consider what other people are communicating before reacting. The rest of us are fortunate who are working so hard to manage the frustration we feel about it, because we have words with which to communicate, an option much more socially acceptable than “physical aggression”. And we have only just met.

    You expect community inclusion to change attitudes, because knowledge breaks stereotypes. But how can we expect people in our communities to examine their stereotypes when you will not consider for a moment that your attitude is a barrier?

    I would appreciate it if you could provide the web address of your agency or program so that we could be assured that individuals described are receiving a good quality of care. Perhaps you have put so much passion into making a point, you have not allowed us to recognize the value you bring to your work.

18. Andy Says:
    March 24th, 2009 at 7:50 pm

    Oh, Katie…so many metaphors, so little time. tsk tsk tsk

19. Katie Says:
    March 24th, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    I knew my opinion was not going to be a popular one here, but felt it needed to be said. I was trying to bring a little bit of reason and thoughtfulness to the discussion instead of emotional reactionary responses.

    To Laurie, your response was thoughtful, but Obama’s comment did not even imply that people with disabilities aren’t as good as people without. If it did, I would understand the outrage. First, he referred only to those in the Special Olympics, not all disabled people. There have been people with disabilities who have competed in the Olympics (Natalie du Toit). The distinction matters, because what Obama was attempting to reference was a certain ability level, not a certain group of people. Next, the reference to Special Olympics did not imply that those people are not as good as other people, only that their bowling skills were not as good.(Here, one can find fault with the underlying thoughts behind the statement because there are many Special Olympians who can bowl better than the average person.)But regardless, a person’s worth is hardly defined by their bowling score.

    Stating that, I am sure that Obama realizes how proud the Special Olympians are and should be of their accomplishments. Will some people take this as license to make fun of people with disabilities? Maybe, but Obama, President or not, is only human. This was an unscripted moment and there are going to be things that are said that people will interpret incorrectly. It would be more telling to see what policies Obama puts in place that can impact the disability community – and from his disability platform I can only imagine it will be many.

    To Rachel, I’m not sure where you got in my comment that I only love those I work with because they are lovable?? Some of the people I work with are physically aggressive, some just have repetitive behaviors that can be annoying. That doesn’t mean I don’t love them and want them to achieve all that they can.

    To Pamela, I am not giving anyone permission to make derogatory statements, I am saying that the statement was not derogatory in the first place. When did it become derogatory to state a fact? People in the Special Olympics don’t bowl as well as those in the Olympics. That’s a fact, not a derogatory statement. If you like, let’s change it to “People who need glasses can’t see as well as those without” or “Women don’t drive as far as men in golf ; that’s why there are ladies tees.” Neither of these statements are derogatory, they are simply fact. I think highly enough of the individuals I serve to know they can handle statements of truth like these. It is those individuals who have been so sheltered by their families and guardians that they believe that the world will cater to them that they do not succeed in real-world jobs or relationships.

    Nancy, your response was insightful. I understand that in a world where people often deride those with disabilities or simply hold antiquated views of their abilities that any comment that highlights their weaknesses may seem both unnecessary and disappointing. I would say to you that those individuals know they are different. They know that they have a harder time at some things than most people, but also that they are talented in ways that most people are not. An individual I work with watched the interview and said proudly the next day “I bowl better than the President!”

    Instead of you all working to diminish a man who has shown initiative in working for people with disabilities because he made a well-intentioned comment that offended you, why don’t we work to fight true hurdles for those with disabilities? More community inclusion would change attitudes faster than anything else ; knowledge breaks stereotypes.

20. Rachel Douglas Says:
    March 24th, 2009 at 11:16 am

    Katie, I bet all your clients are “so loving” right? Your comments about loving “them” show your lack of common sense.

    I don’t know what you do but I would bet that not all people who do it are the same. Some are better and some are worse — hopefully you will try to make it to the better category and be a better advocate for those people you love.

    Hopefully you will learn from these comments and realize that you might not ever “get it” but we do. I certainly would not want to be remembered as a person who fought for the right to make jokes about people with disabilities. I would encourage you to choose to fight for the right to be equally respectful of all people — lovable or not.

21. Pamela Wilson Says:
    March 23rd, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    I believe Terri Mauro got it right in her blog, in the entry:

    What if he said, “I throw like a girl”?

    http://specialchildren.about.com/b/2009/03/23/what-if-he-said-i-throw-like-a-girl.htm

    And to Katie, who says she works with people with developmental disabilities and ‘loves them dearly’:

    I have no doubt you would really earn your pay if you were more concerned with honoring the contract that requires you to respect the dignity and privacy of those who employ your services.

    Allowing them to be teased or taunted if you believe the context is harmless makes you a collaborator in abuse and I hope that you will be fired if those in your care are subjected to such treatment in any facility or during outings in their community.

    Hopefully, charges would be brought against you, and at the very least you would not be allowed to work with vulnerable individuals in the future. Giving permission in this public forum for *anyone* to make derogatory comments about people with developmental disabilities in general should be grounds for your dismissal, as a volunteer or paid staff.

    I certainly wish you had shared where you have been allowed to work with people with disabilities, so I could report your comments to the director and local authorities, just in case your attitude has already created a stressful or harmful environment for those with whom you have been working.

22. Nancy Iannone Says:
    March 23rd, 2009 at 2:42 pm

    Katie, self-deprecation is fine. Really. Using my child to illustrate inadequacy is rude, insulting, and demeaning to my child.

    If the President of the United States wants to poke fun at himself, have at it. But please leave my child out of it.

    What you and so many other people seem to miss is the fact that people with special needs and their families are constantly subjected to this type of demeaning humor. We aren’t overly sensitive — we’re over-exposed to the constant barrage of thoughtless comments.

    Comments and the impact they have sometimes have a context (to either the speaker, the listener, or both) that can be beyond the grasp of those not aware of that context.

    As another poster reflected, if he’d said 4th grader, that’s fine — we were all 4th graders once. That’s just a stage we all go through with no negativity attached to it.

    There is no stigma attached to being a 4th grader, no history of forced sterilizations, no relatively recent struggles to be allowed in public schools, no wide-spread underestimation of potential, no high termination rate, no forced institutionalization in both history and in the present.

    No one says, “I’m sorry, your baby will be in 4th grade one day. You still have time to terminate this pregnancy.”

    That’s fine that it did not bother you in the slightest that Mr. Obama compared himself to the people in your care in order to emphasize his own inadequacy.

    I don’t actually expect most people to “get it” even if they know people with special needs — our speech therapist has been frustrated many times by school officials serving children with special needs because they fail to understand why the words they use casually are offensive.

    But for the sake of those you “love dearly” you may want to try harder to understand the impact of such jokes on the population you serve, especially when it comes from our leader.

23. Laurie Says:
    March 23rd, 2009 at 1:59 pm

    Dear Katie,

    How could you be so naive? The “joke” made by the president of the United States, while meant to make fun of his bowling, was made at the expense of an entire population that had no choice in the life they were dealt.

    What if someone said over and over and over that people with glasses were not quite as good as those without? Those with glasses (and others) would soon start to feel that that sentiment is true.

    Yes, it’s true that those with glasses can’t see as well as those without them, but if it’s said in a mocking way, it becomes humiliating to be a person with glasses. It doesn’t matter if the “joke” was aimed at yourself — it still makes fun of those with glasses and makes them feel bad about themselves.

    Your analogy is misplaced because 4th graders are going to become 5th, 6th and 7th graders and do that grade’s math. People with glasses, or those with special needs, are not going to outgrow it.

    It is a shame that you work with people with disabilities and yet you don’t get how the words used can hurt and degrade them. Do you ever hear someone say the word “retarded” or “Special Olympics” in casual conversation where those terms are used to connote a positive image? No, and therein lies the problem.

24. Katie Says:
    March 23rd, 2009 at 12:43 pm

    I can’t believe some people are taking this comment so personally. I work with people with developmental disabilities and love them dearly. Did Obama’s comment offend me in any way? NO.

    He was referring to himself. He told Leno that he bowled a 129, to which Leno said sarcastically “No, that’s very good.” Only then did Obama say “It was like special olympics or something.” Meaning, in the special olympics that would be a good score, but not in any other world.

    That’s a reality not a stereotype. I understand that the Special Olympians work hard and they should be proud of their accomplishments. However, they are competing with lower expectations.

    If the Special Olympians could compete on the same level as a regular Olympian they would. It would be the same as if I said that my math skills were “good for a fourth-grader,” and then laughed. It’s self-depracating humor. It doesn’t mean that I think poorly of fourth-graders, but that since I am not one, I should be held to a different standard.

25. Nancy Iannone Says:
    March 23rd, 2009 at 8:19 am

    This shows how ingrained this attitude is. Mr. Obama has been a friend to the disability community in past words and in actions. But so many of our friends and loved ones just do not understand the great hurt such comments cause. America, please stop using my child to describe your inadequacies and then defending your comments by saying they were self-deprecating.

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