This wasn’t simply John Doe making a remark in front of a few neighbors.

This was the most powerful man in the civilized world insulting an entire population on national tv.

As for his apology, I’d be more likely to believe it were sincere if he apologized to the disability community.

It was great that he called Tim Shriver, but he didn’t say he bowled like Tim Shriver.

We could write letters to the editor, share comments in blogs, or talk with our friends about such comments being so common and yet so hurtful that the President of the United States is unaware that it’s *that* offensive comparing his small attempts at bettering himself in bowling to Special Olympic athletes working hard to become champions in their sports. We could take it to a personal level so that people in our neighborhoods become aware of how small decisions they make in the words they use do affect all of us.

I also include other family members and parents of children with developmental disabilities who make offensive comments in public and in front of our children, or think they are making humorous observations or witty remarks. It’s much easier to be outraged at a politician we will never meet in the streets, at our children’s schools or playing fields, than to speak about these matters to other parents, coaches, caregivers and even associated professionals who do use ridicule or sarcasm. There’s our real challenge.

How do we win over those who are teachable, control those who are trainable, and inform those who are educable? Our sons and daughters will depend on the goodwill and understanding of ignorant mainstream folks for a longer time than they live with us.

No matter what kind of language they use or hurtful comments they make, people who make an occasional horrible comment but are otherwise quite wonderful should be appreciated for the support and advocacy they do show on behalf of our sons and daughters with disabilities, who are often better diplomats and more effective advocates than we can be in difficult situations.

What amount of energy should we direct toward those who mean no harm when they demonstrate ignorance? How long do we hold their feet to the fire when we are building a more inclusive community for all of our sons and daughters? I am far enough from perfect that I recognize common ground here. I am relieved that we have a President who takes responsibility for his mistakes and apologizes.

Let me make it clear that I believe an apology was called for, and I do speak up in my community when disparaging remarks are made. It’s good to recognize the Mama Bear/Papa Bear in other people commenting about this incident. Welcome to my world.

Let’s pretend for a moment that the President’s apology satisfies the Special Olympics and disability community. There are still many among those millions of Leno viewers, who are not part of the disability community, who now think it is okay to make these comments, or at least may have no problem with their President making these comments.

If the President believes that what he said in front of millions of people was wrong, I think a truly sincere, productive, and appropriate apology would involve apologizing in front of millions, not one person.

Despite his respected service to the disability community, Mr. Shriver in this episode has done a disservice to the disability community, and ultimately perhaps to the President.