Ceremony adapted to celebrate a young man’s life
October 27th, 2008
From the New York Times, a feature on a Chappaqua, NY, couple who created a unique bar mitzvah ceremony to celebrate the life of their son. Thirteen-year-old Jarrett Rattner has an undiagnosed disability and doesn’t walk or talk.
In the process, parents Brian and Jaclyn Rattner drew some new conclusions about the meaning of disability within the context of religious faith. The Rattners don’t consider themselves religious, but Mr. Rattner said they were moved by the perspective of an Orthdox rabbi they consulted. An excerpt:
“He explained that kids so handicapped are actually on a higher plane than you or I,” Mr. Rattner said. “We’re put on earth to perfect ourselves, and most of us have so much to do. But there’s not much they can do, they’re nearly complete. A couple of little tweaks and they’re ready to meet God.”
… The service was quick. Jarrett was wheeled to the Torah, helped by family to touch the Torah and, at the end, to cover the Torah. Rabbi Butman spoke of “a bar mitzvah where we get a chance to look at the big picture,” and Mr. Rattner mentioned “learning to accept Jarrett exactly as he is.”
Mostly, it was music and dancing. The men danced in a circle around Jarrett. At one point, Mr. Rattner hoisted his son from the wheelchair, held him up from behind, and the two swayed together to the Hasidic classics.
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October 27th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
The parents, instead of railing against their son’s condition, have chosen to find comfort in their explanation of what his disability means. They aren’t demanding that others believe the same way, but they have a right to their opinions just as much as you do.
I didn’t get the impression that they were saying that about ALL people with disabilities.
October 27th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
While I agree that the knee jerk ‘inspiration’ label can be wearisome, I think we’re too quick to look for offense. Disability is universal, not just for those of us who experience it directly, but for our loved ones and, for those of us with a visible disability, everyone who lives in the world with us.
It’s natural to see a difference and wonder about the deeper meaning of such a thing. Seeing someone overcome an obstacle (or overcoming it with them) has value, and humans seek out these kinds of experiences (sports, etc.). This is a facet of disability that people without disabilities intuitively get a handle on, but they are often ham-fisted about how they express it, and they don’t always know that it isn’t the ONLY facet. Let’s not bash them for the understanding they do have, and their willingness to see something positive within the framework of their own beliefs. This small handhold can often be their door into greater understanding.
October 27th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
I know that I’m supposed to be ‘warmed’ by this article but I find that view of disability to be offensive. People with disabilities are not creatures of sin (as some have claimed) nor are we the holy innocent (as others would have it). Disability is just disability — it doesn’t need to be interpreted to meet someone else’s need.