I do have a child with severe autism. He is 7 and his siblings are 5 and 9. I never expected this to happen to us! It has completely changed our lives forever. My girls aren’t getting the childhoods I have always dreamt for them to have. We don’t get to go out as a family and do the typical things a family does. Even going to a store is a huge challenge!

Our son has gotten beyond the point of being able to control. Everywhere he goes he wants to find the toilet. That is his obsession, just to flush it over and over. Once dragged out of the public bathroom, he has a fit on the floor of the store.

We are constantly cleaning up urine and feces all over his room and even other places. He rips all toys apart. He flooded our first floor twice by flushing rolls of toilet paper down the toilet. I am up crying. My marriage is stressed. He literally attacks his sisters.

It is no fun any more. He is getting too big and too hard. Unless you are in my shoes, you have no idea what this is like!

We are barely surviving. Yes, we have done all of the therapies and are now in a large debt due to them. None of these helped out son enough to make a difference and insurance did not cover them.

I ask you not to judge this poor woman. I can so empathize with her and feel her pain. It is always easy for the rest of you to judge and if you were faced with this I KNOW you would feel so differently!

Instead, I had a mother who worked against the system and made sure I had every opportunity to be an independent, productive member of the community. She taught me the value I had to offer and not to allow the poor judgments of others define who I am.

I fought the odds and have succeeded. I graduated from high school when most children with disabilities barely made it through eighth grade. I got a driver’s license when the only acceptable drivers with disabilities were the ones paralyzed from the waist down — they could use hand controls. I went to college and got a BA in journalism and a MS in rehab counseling when most universities were not designed or prepared to serve people with disabilities. I have had countless jobs in the last 31 years as an advocate, instructor, and public speaker for people with developmental disabilities — yet I was told at age 18 by the Department of Rehabilitation that I was considered unemployable because I had cerebral palsy.

My point is that every human being has potential and value — even that screaming 12-year-old in diapers. If his greatest success in life is simply to plant a flower seed, he will have succeeded in bringing a little more beauty into this dismal world. He is entitled to that opportunity and does not deserve to be flushed away and forgotten as a human being. When we extinguish the ignorance and provide the needed help, wondrous things can occur.

(For what it’s worth, in my county people who are at the end of their ropes with parenting are encouraged to call the county and get help to avoid child abuse or worse…if we judge and berate parents who seek this, we’re defeating the purpose of this plan.)

All in a day’s work, I guess.

Dr. Phil, you are a wonderful advocate for mental health. How about interviewing parents of children and adult children with developmental disability who channel them toward independence?

The mother you interviewed sounds like she needs respite, hope and encouragement from other mothers of disabled children.

I know what I am talking about. My son is 37 years old and living independently. He loves his life. We have never regretted giving him life. He is a blessing and he has taught us so much.

Yes, it’s difficult to cope with a child with a disability.

Yes, it takes time and energy to do this every day.

Yes, my child gets bigger and bigger physically each and every day, and at the same time, I get older and more frail.

But how could I look into his big blue eyes, smiling face, and not want to spend every available moment with my son? To tuck him in at night and tickle him every morning?

Only people who have never experienced this type of love can talk about placing a child with a disability into the hands of another to care for.

Don’t institutionalize your son. Learn to cope.

Angel

How about suggesting respite, support, love and acceptance?

This was quite shocking to me

Angela Jarvis Holland

I tell you.

I am so sick of wimps selling their kids with disabilities out for their own fear and inadequacy.
Only to relieve them from their parenting obligations.

Society and role models like Phil McGraw, rush to the rescue to take away their problem.

I saw an Arizona License plate yesterday, what a beautiful plate. The message read, “being a child should never hurt”.

HMM, I wonder what percentage of people/citizens hear a “but” after those kinds of statements. But not a child like that.

We really do not value life like we think we do;
only our own and we think everyone else needs it.

Louise