Columnist: ‘My dislike for this woman goes beyond her disability’
March 28th, 2008‘How I faced up to a deep-seated prejudice against disabled people’
[UK] Guardian columnist Stewart Dakers explores the complicated emotions he experiences when two acquaintances who have disabilities get married, buy a house and have a child. He describes Dave and Sue as having epilepsy and other conditions he doesn’t understand. “… A generation ago, they’d have been called ‘retards’.”
Dakers says he and other neighbors felt uneasy when the couple married, thinking it “improper, unseemly,” and “a step too far.” Their disapproval grew when Dave and Sue had a child. “No good can come of it … shouldn’t be allowed,” some said.
At this point, Dakers writes, he began to dislike Sue — and he sees that dislike as a positive development.
It is inappropriate to dislike a disabled person. You can cuddle and tease, pity and respect, because none of these affections involve handling; they can be arm’s length, you can walk away, they do not rely on any reciprocation. In other words, Dave and Sue are commodities for charity, for photo opportunities, flags of convenience … They are not, well, people. But dislike? Dislike is a human affection that engages you and recognizes the right of another to an independent life.
Then it clicked: by disliking her I had acknowledged Sue as a person. I had shed my prejudice, sufficient to imagine that she probably doesn’t like me. That’s presumably the next learning curve.
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on Friday, March 28th, 2008 at 4:46 am and is filed under NOT2BEMISSED, commentary, discrimination, epilepsy, families, first-person, intellectual disabilities, marriage, parents, public attitudes, quality of life, sexuality, stigma, success stories.
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