Op-ed: Letting go is a struggle, but it’s the right thing
March 22nd, 2008Lisa Lavia Ryan’s friend Shelly is helping her 22-year-old son Jake move into his own apartment. It’s another major milestone for Jake, who has Down syndrome, and his mom is nervous. Ryan writes about it in the Des Moines Register:
… as I listen to Shelly wrestle with herself over letting Jake go, I wish I could soothe her with kind words and chocolate … But this is too big, and all the Little Debbie snack cakes in the world won’t work.
“Am I doing the right thing?” she asks. “It would be easy to keep him here. He’s fine here, and it’s not like he’s asking to leave.”
… I sit quietly and am reminded of how much I admire my friend, who, at only 23, had to face the reality of having a baby who was not the child of her dreams. I am reminded of how hard she and her husband have worked to encourage Jake to be the capable young man he has become.
… “You are doing the right thing,” I say. “His life is worth no less than ours because he has Down syndrome.”
She sniffles, and I sniffle. What am I saying? I haven’t a clue, and she knows it. But I know her - her independent spirit, her optimistic nature, her excitement at imagining what could be around the corner. And I know that Jake is like her, and that his life is waiting around the corner, too. So I know that he needs to go.


